"They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially,
Saying, ‘Peace, peace,’
But there is no peace."
- Jeremiah 6:14
Leslie shares this verse as one that has been a "guiding force" in her ministry with destructive couples. Moving too quickly towards reconciliation or marriage counseling risks the acceptance of superficial change. Abuse commonly increases when reunification occurs too quickly after consequences are implemented.
Leslie also references the two types of sorrow mentioned in Scripture. One is sorrow at one's own pain. The other leads to real heart change. How can you know which is which? A destructive person on the path to real change accepts full responsibility for his attitudes and actions - with no blaming, excusing, minimizing, or rationalizing. He demonstrates remorse about the hurt he has caused and compassion toward whom he has hurt. He accepts consequences - whether it's separation, financial losses, or abiding by an order of protection - without demanding, complaining or making excuses. He willingly makes amends and commits to learning healthy ways of relating and being held accountable in the long-term.
If you are in a destructive relationship, you will need the support of people who can help you find your voice and make good choices. In order for your marriage to heal, you must make certain that the real issues are first thoroughly addressed. I can help you see clearly and get strong enough to keep yourself safe and work towards emotional and relational health.
To start your growing and healing process, call or text (312) 313-3236
or email eunia [at] chicagolandcounseling.com
If your helpers are Christian and are seeking to learn how best to support you, please share with them Leslie Vernick's Marriage Abuse Training Resources.
For confidential, anonymous help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.